Colorado at San Francisco – August 4th

Live from the City by the Bay, San Francisco. I’ve heard calling the city Frisco or San Fran is grounds for getting thrown in the Bay!

Tonight’s starters: Colorado’s Jeff Francis, who is 3-2 with a 1.85 ERA in his last five starts. He looks like a 20-year-old. San Francisco counters with Matt Morris, who could be a dead-ringer for the late Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys. Morris is 5-1 with 3.90 ERA in his last nine starts but winless in his last three. I have Morris on two of my fantasy teams. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If not for Francisco Liriano, one of my fantasy teams would already be eliminated. He should be considered for every prize out there-Cy Young, Rookie of the Year, Fields Medal, and Nobel Peace Prize!

Let the game begin!

Top 1. Morris should give a part of his paycheck to Pedro Feliz, who made two great defensive plays at third to save sure hits. Morris gets a generous strike three call from Home Plate Umpire Ron (Mea) Kulpa to end the inning.

Bottom 1: I love sponsors and their tie-ins. Example. Before Ray Durham steps to the plate, I’m informed that Durham is 10 for 20 with seven RBI lifetime courtesy against Francis courtesy of the GMC Professional Grade. In the top half of the first, one of Feliz’ plays was named the Diamond Nut Defensive Play of the Game. Not even one inning of baseball and the defensive play of the game has happened. Wow, what’s the point of watching anymore? Durham grounds into an inning-ending double play. 0-0

Top 2: Three up, three down. Yawn!

Bottom 2: Hillenbrand singles and gets picked off to end the inning. That’s the second pickoff I’ve seen this week. I didn’t know the pickoff still existed. 0-0

Top 3:  Morris goes to a full count of Francis before striking him out. Wheels are falling off anytime now. Morris has thrown about 50 pitches now, especially going 3 balls on almost every batter it seems. After walking Carroll, Clint Barmes flies out. Morris gets out of the third and hasn’t allowed a run! Might be his night after all!

Bottom 3: Feliz breaks the scoreless deadlock with a home run to left. He’s having a good night so far and earning his pay. 1-0, San Francisco

Not another Poker Superstars commercial. Television is making these guys famous! Imagine poker being on radio? Me, neither!  It gets worse. Tim Allen is making another movie. Oh no! 

Top 4: Three up, three down. Bottom hasn’t fallen out, yet!

Bottom 4: Three up, three down. Francis is looking sharp. I can’t believe he’s available in my fantasy league. Is there something I should know about him? 1-0, SF!

Top 5: My pessimism pays off. Former Giant Yorvit Torrealba doubles to left and moves to third on a ground out. Before a 1-2 delivery to Freeman, Morris’ leg twitches or spasms, not sure which it is. In baseball if you do that on the pitching rubber, it’s called a balk. Welcome back to the 1980s, the balk lives and Torrealba scores! 1-1!

Bottom 5th:  Three up, three down. Seven in a row by Francis!

Top 6: Barmes singles and scores on a shot by Garrett Atkins to center, 2-1. In my keeper league last year, I kept 6 guys and the last spot was down to Zach Duke and Atkins. To say I picked wrong guy might be the understatement of the year! Bitter? You betcha. Atkins moves to third on a groundout. They decided to walk Helton, who hasn’t reached base yet. First and third, 2 outs for Torrealba! Let’s put a sponsorship on the worst move of the night because this is it! Torrealba smashes a three-run home run to left. Ugh! 5-1, Colorado

Bottom 6: 10 straight for Francis

Top 7: Vinnie Chulk, whose name sounds like someone I owe money too, replaces Morris. His line-who cares? I’m getting smoked in fantasy! Lesson-if you’re relying on Matt Morris, you’re in trouble. Next year, I’ll draft better starting pitching. I’ve said that every year since 2003. Bad habits are hard to break. My Cousin Vinnie works a perfect 7th

Bottom 7:This game is getting….Bonds takes one to deep center! 723! The home run ball is now on EBay for $100! 5-2, Rockies


Top 8: Chulk gets the job done.

Bottom of the 8: So does Francis. 8 IP, 6H, 2 ER, 0 BB, 2K’s. Welcome to Devastation Inc, Francis!

Top 9: Jamey Wright comes on for the Giants. Isn’t he a starter? Nothing happened. Colorado is content with five runs on the night

Bottom 9: Vizquel doubles, moves to third on the ground out. Bonds takes a 2-1 delivery for a low strike. I mean a looooowww strike. Bonds is not happy. Kulpa takes his mask off. Pleasantries are exchanges, Bonds gets tossed. The tossing didn’t end there as Giants fans tossed their empty food and drink containers onto the warning track. I haven’t seen this much litter at an event since Hulk Hogan turned on Savage and formed the NWO with Scott Hall and Kevin Nash (obscure wrestling reference-apologies to those who don’t get or don’t like wrestling). After an 11-minute delay, I actually counted; Todd Greene gets a reward of stepping to the plate with a 2-2 count. His reward, a fly out to shallow center! Moises Alou flies out to end the game.


It’s not good to litter, especially at a baseball game

This is the third time in his last four starts Morris hasn’t posted a quality start. One bad pitch to Torrealba doomed him!

Francis isn’t that bad a pitcher. He hit his spots and his two mistakes came with nobody on base. Nice job!


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