New Year, New Predictions, Same Old Shtick

It’s that time again to make useless predictions for 2007. Enjoy!

The Washington Nationals will win fewer games than the speed limit on Maryland’s Interstate 95 (65).

The Nationals payroll will be below $45 million on Opening Day. That’s like saying I will have dinner sometime in 2007 or the sun will rise in the east.

The Nationals will retire Frank Robinson’s No. 20 in a summer ceremony for all that he has done for the organization and the game.

The lack of inclement weather during January 2007 and February 2007 will result in the new stadium being finished ahead of schedule and under budget.  In a related story and weather shift, Satan’s town dips below freezing for the first time ever.

The Nationals will finish April with a winning record prompting every media outlet in the country to hype up Washington as the “Miracle Team.”

Major League Baseball Bloggers form their own association-The Baseball Bloggers Association of America. The group of 600 plus bloggers decides to give their own awards aka the Bloggies.  Each blogger votes on Newcomer of the Year, Impact Player of the Year, Skipper of the Year, Most Improved Player of the Year and Blooper of the Year. 

Orange Julius will open up a stand at RFK Stadium. No word if Mike Damone will have Earth, Wind and Fire tickets for Jefferson and little brother.

Alfonso Soriano returns to RFK on July 2. To mark the event, some Nationals fans make a piñata with Soriano’s likeness and fill it with money and those gold chocolate coins.   After five minutes and some minor bedlam in the parking lot, the fans take the $20 (in quarters and dimes) to a Nationals employee with hopes that the franchise can obtain some starting pitching. Instead, the Nationals invest the money in their minor league system by purchasing a coffeemaker.

Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron’s home record during San Francisco’s 3-game series in Washington (August 31-Sept 1 and Sept 2). In an odd twist, no one will grab the record- breaking ball as it will sit for 756 days apparently backlash for Bonds breaking the record. 

Ryan Zimmerman will hit 2 home runs on Opening Day lifting the Nationals to a 5-2 victory over the Florida Marlins.  Hanley Ramirez will go 0 for 4 as Nationals fans drop snide chants about the 2006 NL Rookie of the Year balloting. Zimmerman highlights the day by giving Ramirez an RKO/Diamond Cutter while rounding second after his second home run of the day. He proceeds to stand over Ramirez and say “I’m the real Rookie of the Year” sending the hundreds of fans who get the above wrestling move into a tizzy culminating with chants of “Zimmer-man” and “ECW.” Major League Baseball isn’t laughing and suspends Zimmerman for 30 games. Zimmerman’s doppelganger, WWE superstar Randy Orton, takes the fall saying it was him who hit the two home runs on Opening Day not Zimmerman, who was wrestling John Cena that night on RAW.  The switcheroo has everybody fooled and becomes one of the top stories of the year.


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