Fans to Vote for Washington Broadcast Team

WASHINGTON— Washington announced Monday that they will let the fans decide who is in the broadcast booth this year.

“It’s the fans who watch so we thought we’d let the fans decide who they want to have in their living rooms,’’ said a Washington spokesperson.

There are five reported options will be the following:

a)     Don Sutton and Bob Carpenter.  Sutton has long been rumored to be the leading candidate to replace Tom Paciorek in the booth. However, the lack of a signed agreement between Sutton and Washington has everyone worried including fans.  A clear vote of confidence by the fans would be a slam dunk for Sutton to come on board.

b)     Bob Carpenter solo.  The option of going old school with the one broadcaster would be a great outside-the-box-move. Sure, it could make for a boring broadcast, hearing the same voice for 3 hours or so. And maybe Carpenter’s lack of major league baseball experience could be a liability.  However, Washington’s franchise would save some money with a one-person broadcast team.

c)     Carpenter and John Riggins.   Sure, Riggins hasn’t played professional baseball. He probably couldn’t name the starting lineup if spotted six names.  But he’s John Riggins, Washingtonians will tune in for the name alone. I don’t care if he’s working for Triple X Radio in Washington.  To see Riggins try to do color commentary on baseball would be a ratings bonanza.  So the baseball people would be offended, big deal. There could be side wagers on how long it takes him to mention an old Redskins story (three minutes).

d)     Carpenter and a small rotation of comedians.  Wouldn’t you like to see Carpenter paired up with Carrot Top?  I can see it now. 

Carrot Top: There’s some racket going on in the press box (which is followed by him pulling out an actual racket and waving it around).
Carpenter: (audible groan)

Carpenter: Holy Mackerel, Zimmerman has another home run!
Carrot Top (pulls out another prop-a fake fish with holes in it). A holy mackerel you want, a holy mackerel you get!

Carpenter: (another audible groan)

How about Carpenter and Andrew Dice Clay:

Carpenter: The clock is about to strike 12

Dice Clay: Speaking of clocks about to strike (puffs a cigarette), I have this story. It starts with Hickory, Dickory, Dock

Carpenter (quickly interrupts). No thanks, Dice. We’ll save that for another time

Carpenter: The Nationals are having a tough time against the boys in blue tonight.

Dice: Maybe the boys in blue are getting paid off tonight. 

Carpenter: Why would you say that?

Dice: Because they need the money. Oohhhhh!

Carpenter: Ah, jeez, Dice! Did you have to go there?

e)     Carpenter and Paciorek.  Nothing says rebellion more than hiring a broadcaster the franchise didn’t bring back.  This would be my option just for the tension.

There is an extra level of suspense. Carpenter will not find out until 60 minutes before his first spring training telecast which option the fans chose.

The contest will start Jan. 22 and end Feb. 15-the first day pitchers and catchers for the report.

Fans can go to washingtonbaseballclub.com, click on the option that says Fake Broadcast Poll and cast your ballot. Vote early, vote late but vote often!

When contact, Carpenter was speechless.

“I’m literally speechless. I can’t conjugate a verb right now. Subject and verb agreement? Forget it,” said the broadcaster.

This fake story was subject to approval by no one. Restrictions may apply. Void everywhere.

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